Life of the Party

Let’s talk about everyone’s favorite topic: punctuation. Wait, why are you running away?!

Okay, we’ll talk about one of MY favorite topics, then. Or I’ll talk and you’ll continue to slowly edge away as if I were a rabid deer doing barrel rolls in the dirt. So. Punctuation. Dirty word in some circles, and it’s no wonder why. Primary school grammar lessons really did a number on a lot of us. But I’m here to tell you: there’s nothing to fear! Let’s undo some of that damage, one step at a time.

Semicolons. Fun, quirky little dudes that hang out in seemingly odd places, amirite? No? Perhaps you’re thinking of this quote from Kurt Vonnegut that semicolon-haters the world ’round love to cite:

“First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.”

I know what you’re thinking: “Them’s fightin’ words, Kurt!” I know; I feel the same way. BUT! If you read through this awesome little post by THE Grammar Girl (*fangirl squee! I have a copy of one of her books that’s AUTOGRAPHED! Eat your heart out, bro.*) –or listen to the convenient podcast of it!–you can learn all about how this oft-cited quote maligning the noble semicolon has been taken out of context.

Thankfully, we have a whole world of fun, instructional material at our fingertips these days, ready and willing to coax us out of our scared little primary-school-traumatized shells.

So, as I went trawling through the Internet, I found and/or rediscovered the following enjoyable little creations:

• Video: TED-Ed: How to Use a Semicolon, by Emma Bryce: This is a fun little animation done in the style of early Nintendo games. Short and sweet, this sub-3:30 video points out not only how you use semicolons, but also–and maybe more importantly in some instances–how you don’t.
• Podcast: “Divide and Conquer: The complete, unabridged history of the world’s most controversial semicolon,” by Malcolm Gladwell. On his Revisionist History podcast, Gladwell tackled the topic of semicolons in legal documents and how their placement can make a world of difference. In this specific instance, it had to do with the constitutional rights of the State of Texas. It’s been a while, but my husband played this for me while we were on a roadtrip (remember those? sigh…)–and he knew I was a grammar geek when he married me, okay?–and, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I immediately knew what was up with the legal interpretation of that semicolon. (Okay, I tooted my horn a little bit. Sorry. I’ll take my tooting somewhere else.)
• Infographic: “How to Use a Semicolon: the most feared punctuation on Earth,” by The Oatmeal. I have these grammar posters hanging up at work. I love it when someone takes a feared topic and turns it into something fun and non-threatening. On a side note here, The Oatmeal is like the still-life, maybe-slightly-less-tasteful-but-more-educational…? version of TheOdd1sOut, in my humble opinion–or maybe it’s just that both of them feature characters with large, bald, bulbous heads… shrug. They’re both awesome.

Bottom line: don’t be afraid of your feelings! … or, y’know, semicolons. Because they’re chill.

Ta-ta for now, my friends~

* PS: I feel as though someone is going to jump in, decrying my post, shouting about how wrong I am and how my own punctuation here is a mess. To that I say: maybe. And then shrug my shoulders. And I’ll tell you why. In this forum, I’m talking to you as I would an old friend. I’m not writing a grad school paper or giving someone a brutal written comeuppance here. Therefore, I might choose to sin boldly every now and again. And that’s okay, because I’m not drafting the Texas State Constitution here. Be that as it may, I shall do my due diligence to make my punctuation as correct as possible in this instance, but please give me a little grace. We’re all friends here. (Also, I will be the first to admit that I overuse commas in chat-type situations such as this. That’s because I’m typing as I would talk, which is what many of us do when we text. Linguist John McWhorter calls it “fingered speech,” and it’s really cool; he also gets into the topic of how and why we use ‘lol’ all the time. Check out the TedTalk here.)